Monday, April 19, 2010

missed the shitter

i hate waking up to piss at like, 3am.
i straight up hate it.
its even worse, i would think if you're me.
is that possible? nope. but even still...

here is how i tinkle at 3am.
and here is why i am a moron.

last night, i work up at 3:41am to piss.
when i wake up that late, early, what have you, i am NOT fully functional.
so, i do the lazy krisi thing, and i don't even open my eyes to see where i'm walking.
i figure that i've lived in my house long enough to know when to open my door to get out of my room, and when to turn left to get into my bathroom.
and this is true. i can make it to the bathroom no problem.

i then pulled down my boxers (yes i sleep in boxers. be jealous.), and squatted over what i thought was the shitter.
nope. it was not the shitter.
it was 1/4th of the shitter.
so, i ended up with 1/4 of my ass on the toilet seat, and the other 3/4, which so conveniently weighed me down, was not on the crapper.
and i, krisi howson, at 3:41am, fell off the potty, and onto the floor.
its one thing to miss the crapper with your piss.
but your body? come the FUCK on.

all i wanted, was to take a piss, and go back to sleep.
that sure as hell didn't happen.

so, as i was crumpled on the cold floor of my bathroom, i decided 3 things.

1) we need heated floors
2) 15 year old's should still wear diapers.
3) i am NOT chuck norris's sister.

long story short?
i got up, eventually, and pissed.
and i went back to bed.
and i dreamed that i was kind of the crappers, wearing a diaper.

yep.
i'm the bee's knees.

smellyalata,

krisi :)

3 comments:

  1. Ohmydeargod.

    You may not be Chuck Norris' sister.
    But you ARE the love of my life.

    ReplyDelete
  2. you make my day every time i read your blog. just saying <3

    ReplyDelete