THIS IS ME BORED IN TECH CLASS

i've decided that i'm going to write letters to people that stalk, i mean... follow me.
i'm just really bored. :)

(this is in no particular order.)

dear moh,
ahhhh mohsif. how i love thee.
what can i say about you? you are the greatest, i would like to point that out.
you are the cuddliest thing ever. and i love hugging you.
thanks for staying up late with me on school nights to watch me cry like a nincompoop.
only you would put up with by lame behaviour. and i love you for that.
so don't ever forget it.
love,
krisi-if.

dear torii,
oh torii. i love thee.
and i'm rather sorry that every morning you happen to play guitar for me, i can never think of the song that your playing.
i'm just stupid. :)
thanks for warning me about... yeah.
sorry, i should have listened. >
your awesome, m'love. don't change.
love,
krisi.

eric tenuta,
fuck you.
go make ME, a motherfucking goddamn sand which.
get on your knees.
or i will purple nurple you... AGAIN.
love,
your wife.

safa,
HI! i have no idea who you are, but thanks for following me.
actually, you could be a rapist for all i know.
JUST IN CASE YOU ARE... i live at...
i'm kidding.
anyways, thanks for lurking my lameness.
love,
krisi.

motley,
oh motley. even though i don't call you that...
oh well.
i've heard that people call you that because you like motely crue or something.
i've decided that i should be called:
Bring Me A Rise To Remember.
(Bring Me The Horizon, AFI, Rise Against, A Day To Remember. <--- my favourite bands.)
my new name reminds me of a boner.
a RISE...
yup.
okay, well, i love you,
love,
krisi.

tinkerbelll_XO,
oh, my love.
it was AWESOME seeing you at owl city.
and thanks for still loving me, after all the wonderful news i brought you about all that.
thanks for being an awesome friend.
i can't wait to see you again.
you're too much fun to talk to, and i love making you laugh.
and i love making dino expressions infront of hot scene guys...
>.>
i laav you,
love,
krisi,

merz,
HI! i don't know who you are either!
but that's okay. i love stalkers!
thanks for following me, and putting up with my super randomness.
hope you enjoy all my junk.
haha, that KINDA sounded dirty.
and thanks also for your posts on my posts. :D
love,
krisi.

the.(beautiful).let.down,
you realize your name is fucking hard for me to type down, eh?
anyways, you, are my sissy.
and you know i love you.
only you would trust me enough to get on the back of my atv and actually not try to kill yourself when i stopped driving. i had a lot of fun singing with you on that weekend.
we MUST do it again in the fall.
and only you would trust me enough to follow me through toronto when you thought for sure we would get lost.
BUT NO! we made it.
i love you my sissy.
love,
sissypoop.

the gentle giant.
well, isn't that name accurate.
it makes me think:
GREEN GIANT! HO HO HO.
now, i'm thinking about Santa.
...in the middle, i mean the end of april.
well, i love you, and your massive tallness.
love,
krisi.

annabell,
ahhhhhh yay i love you.
you're too much fun.
i love you and your guitars. i think we should jam soon.
just because you are awesome.
i love you, dont ever change, your super cool.
super hot.
your the girl i like a lot, your super super gi- OMG I JUST... WOW.
oh,
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMSAY.
love,
krisi.

p.s., you just lost the game.


LAST BUT NOT LEAST...

sapphire,
your sitting right next to me as i type.
i'm going to name some inside jokes for your own personal amusement...
your teeth, are like the underground railroad! (forblackpeople!)
jewinor rigby, picks up the rice in the church where her wedding has been...
all the lonely nazi's, where do they all come from? GERMANY!
QUEEN!
lemme just get on my knees here...
we have to talk, you have, GONORRHEA.
well, i love you. thanks for putting up with my total failness.
and thanks for letting me eat mud regularly.
i love you.
now lets get fucked and hump things.
many wishes,
love,
krisi.



I HOPE YOU LIKED THEMMMM.
you guys are my favourites.

"all those rather dreary rain clouds still bother me."

i made it.
i did it.
i walked from union station, to the docks.
and i didn't even DIE.

i know. i have won at life.

but im going to blog today, about this girl i stood behind for like, 15 minutes at the owl city concert.
this girl... holy sweet jesus fuck.

so, in this place, you have to stand, and fucking push people away to get to a decent spot. which is not easy, for a short kid. so, after me and my sissy got to a decent place, this chick makes her way in front of me.
fine. it would happen. whatever.
however, i was NOT fine, when she started to lean backwards to fist pump and like, half dance by pelvic thrusting the air all slow.
and her hair, was in some sort of weird pony tail, that was right in my face, and i am not kidding when i say that i literally ATE her hair.
then, i go to take pictures.
yeah well no. this chickie wasn't gonna let that happen.
she had lost the beat or something to started fist pumping at random intervals which just so happened to be when i tried to focus my camera, and therefore, took the picture, of what i hoped was adam,
but no.

it was her fucking fist.

i almost killed her, i'm not even kidding.

would anyone bail me outta jail?

all in all, it was a fucking awesome concert.
IHEARTOWLCITY.

smellyalata,

krisi :)

from bay, to lakeshore, to a shit hole.

tomorrow i'm going to see owl city with my friends, maddy and liz.
we have to walk from union station, to the docks.
this, may kill us.

i love you, my fine furry friends.

and if i don't make it, know that, i loved you all along,
just like sunny days that we ignore, just because,
we're all dumb and jaded.
and i hope to god i figure out whats wrong.

that was my musical, um... sex.
yes.
mmmmourladypeace.

okay, i love you.

smellyalata,

krisi :)

my brother

chuck norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. at night.


if at first you don't succeed, you're not chuck norris.


chuck norris CAN believe it's not butter.


chuck norris's hard nipples on a cold day are the best way to cut through a diamond.


chuck norris can speak braille.


chuck norris won the game.


death once had a near chuck norris experience.

gumm.

besides missing the shitter,
you know what really kind of sucks?

when you swallow your gum.

like, how many times have you done that?
by accident, or maybe you were in middle school and your teacher caught you with gum in your mouth and you instantly swallowed it and pretended like you had nothing in there to begin with.

i remember in grade 8, i was in music class, and i had gum in my mouth.
and i was playing the flute.
and my music teacher caught me. and she flipped shit.
"DO YOU HAVE GUM IN YOUR MOUTH KRISI?!"
"no."
swallows gum.

and even today, i had gum in my mouth, and i started to laugh really hard, and i basically inhaled my gum.
which, ever so conveniently went down what i call the "wrong tube" and i started to choke.

i love gum,
but it's basically down right fucking deathly.
who thought a rubber like substance, was so lethal?

smellyalata,

krisi :)

missed the shitter

i hate waking up to piss at like, 3am.
i straight up hate it.
its even worse, i would think if you're me.
is that possible? nope. but even still...

here is how i tinkle at 3am.
and here is why i am a moron.

last night, i work up at 3:41am to piss.
when i wake up that late, early, what have you, i am NOT fully functional.
so, i do the lazy krisi thing, and i don't even open my eyes to see where i'm walking.
i figure that i've lived in my house long enough to know when to open my door to get out of my room, and when to turn left to get into my bathroom.
and this is true. i can make it to the bathroom no problem.

i then pulled down my boxers (yes i sleep in boxers. be jealous.), and squatted over what i thought was the shitter.
nope. it was not the shitter.
it was 1/4th of the shitter.
so, i ended up with 1/4 of my ass on the toilet seat, and the other 3/4, which so conveniently weighed me down, was not on the crapper.
and i, krisi howson, at 3:41am, fell off the potty, and onto the floor.
its one thing to miss the crapper with your piss.
but your body? come the FUCK on.

all i wanted, was to take a piss, and go back to sleep.
that sure as hell didn't happen.

so, as i was crumpled on the cold floor of my bathroom, i decided 3 things.

1) we need heated floors
2) 15 year old's should still wear diapers.
3) i am NOT chuck norris's sister.

long story short?
i got up, eventually, and pissed.
and i went back to bed.
and i dreamed that i was kind of the crappers, wearing a diaper.

yep.
i'm the bee's knees.

smellyalata,

krisi :)

old hag's lookin' at the goodies.

so yesterday i went to the gym.

i know. it's quite the shock to hear i go to the gym.
but indeed, i do.
and at the gym i go to work out at, there are a lot of old foreign ladies, who must be fresh off the boat.
'cause they just don't get it.
if im standing there, half naked, i don't want them there, peeking at me.
it's a little awkward as i'm trying to hold a towel around my bottom half, so no one sees my cooter, and i'm also trying to change from a sports bra, into my legit bra.
the truth of the matter is, something is going to show.
and it's not gonna be pretty.
but still.
these old ladies, stand there, stop dead in their tracks, and watch me try and fail, at covering up my junk.

this makes me ask myself the question:
why do old ladies like looking at my goodies?

i've come up with two answers:

1) they're bisexual/lesbian perverts that prey on little girls.

2) i'm krisi howson, and i'm fucking sexy.

i like my second option.
& this makes me think,
if old ladies like looking at me because i'm so hot,
i must be chuck norris's sister.
why?
because no one can resist me.

(the second part of this post is highly sarcastic. i'm not attractive at all, and i'm not chuck norris's sister. however; that'd be the shit if i actually was all that and a bag of potato chips.)

(but old ladies really do stare at me.)

smellyalata,

krisi :)


p.s.
i'm not dead from the toxic substance that went into my cut. i know. be happy god damn it.

toxicnessosity

so today, just last period, in science, my science gave me a lab to do.
in this lab, i had to measure the refraction of light through a substance.
my substance, and i'm not sure what he was thinking, was methanol.
it's toxic.
and he gave it to ME, of all people.

me, who, like honestly, no.
i'm not good with water, let alone a toxic substance.
so, he gives it to me, tells me what it is, and tells me not to spill it.
can you guess what the first thing i did was?

i spilled it.
on the counter, not all of it though. but over the counter, and over my left hand.
which, so conveniently has a cut on it.
and, as the toxic substance flows over it, i can feel myself start to grow an extra hand.
and eye lid, without an eye.
and an ear lobe.

like, really?
this CAN'T be good.

just thought i'd let you know, that if i don't blog in 2 weeks or something, that means that this toxic shit has killed me, through a tiny cut on my left hand's pinkie finger.

i love you. you need to know that before i die.
here, lets hug over the computer.
come to your computer screen, and hug me.

...ahhh good hug.

and for those of you who DIDN'T go to the computer screens and hug me, i DON'T love you.

smellyalata,

krisi :)

aleve

so, who remembers my love letter to advil?

yes well, i will always love advil. however, today...
tragedy struck the howson household.
it pains me even to just type it...
we ran out of the beloved advil.

i know, its hard to hold back the tears. but we all have to be strong and carry on.
and i know, i'm taking this much to seriously, but i don't give a fuck.
and i really needed my advil... i'm sick and i ache all over.
so, i moved on, to this stuff called aleve. (i might not be spelling that right...).

now, i woke up today, and i went to find my bottle of advil, and i opened it up after fighting with it for a good 4 minutes because i can't ever get past the child proof cap, and it was empty.
so i went downstairs and found the aleve.
and i took 2.

WORDS CANNOT DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I LOATHE YOU, ALEVE.
ALEVE, YOU SADDEN ME LIKE NO OTHER.

you, aleve, you are a LIE.
you don't kill pain and aches.
you know what you do?
NOTHING. NOT A THING.
so, i will continue to sit here, aching and in pain and all, from my sickness,
in till my mother comes back from the store with my beloved advil.

advil?
i'm sorry i let you run out before i got more of you, before it was too late.

so, take this to heart my fine furry friends:
aleve, is shit at it's finest. it doesn't work, trust me, i found out the hard way.

smellyalata,

krisi :)